The Dota 2 Movie You’ve Always Wanted

By on

You know you?ve always wanted one; a grand movie to push you past the edge of your nerdgasm. Although there isn?t any comforting news about the development of such a project, TheBitBag will certainly not wait for a news leak for a Dota 2 Movie. To whet our appetite, we would like to present our selection of what we think would be a good cast if ever a Movie this epic came into the works.


Dwayne Johnson as Axe

It’s like he was MADE for this role

We have no better choice for such a role; The Rock for the Axe. You would have to agree that they have a lot of similarities; muscles, voice, vocabulary as well as the tendency to just fling oneself into the ?middle of an enemy-infested farming area. Just color him red and you?ll see what we mean.


Scarlett Johanson as Slayer

We DEFINITELY want to see this happen

After seeing her in The Avengers, we simply have to see her with those red locks once more. After her great run as an assassin, we would certainly want to witness her as a floating mage. We also appreciate a strong resemblance between the two.


Hulk Hogan as Zeus


Makes sense now,doesn’t it?


Bet you weren?t expecting this one. TheBitBag thinks this great intelligence nuker deserves a manlier demeanor than his online presence. So where do we find a white-bearded guy who loves to give smackdowns from the sky? We found him in the land of wrestling, of course!


Angelina Jolie as the Queen of Pain

Oh so very sexy

We wanted a face to match all those pseudo sexual innuendos this screamer throws out. For the heroine who was already sexy even during Dota 1, she only deserves the sexiest treatments in a possible movie. We wouldn?t even mind if they colored her blue. She?s still hot.


Kristin Kreuk as Mirana

She can be priestess of anything she wants

Oh lord we already have major crushes on her in Beauty and the Beast. Now we would like to literally put her on top of a beast to complete the image. For a face like that, we would gladly run into arrows and Starfalls.


Helena Bonham Carter as the Death Prophet

No one else can pull this off

We think we hit the money on this one. We imagine her casting her ultimate and smiling while she watches everything die. There is no one who looks strange and demented enough for such a hero.


Gerard Butler as the Dragon Knight

Ok, so he has a helmet. Doesn’t he need to take that off sometime?

We need to give this guy more action movies. His role in 300 made him a cornerstone of masculinity. What could be more masculine than a knight who turns into a dragon?


John-Rhys Davies as Pudge

More gore, more accent

This will certainly come as a surprise. You certainly cannot have a Dota movie without Pudge. He’s a crowd favorite. Valve gave him a more refined and intelligible accent to use while carving up his enemies.?This gives him more of a ?barbaric gentleman? touch. And in terms of barbaric gentlemen, how about a gentleman who played Gimli in Lord of the Rings?



Jim Carrey as the Witch Doctor

See what we mean??

We love Witch Doctor. We can?t count how many times we tried to repeat his ?Look at it go? line whenever he throws a paralyzing cask. In terms of likeness, we think facepaint and headbands will make almost anyone look like WD. Jim Carey has the body language to match that of our favorite support hero. We would certainly like to see him dance while placing a Death Ward.

This is our dream cast for a movie that still remains a dream. We certainly hope that the Comic-Movie trend ends quickly so that they can start with the Gaming-Movie circuit and give gamers all over the world more things on which to spend supposed date-money.

photo sources:×146.jpg

About the author

To Top