Editor's Pick

20 Things that are Surely to Happen on Valentine’s Day (Part 3)

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  1. Weird acquaintance posts picture of a sunset on Facebook, captioned with some cheesy inspirational quote about the nature of love, most likely including the word ?soulmate?. Seriously, this isn?t a fairy tale. Go out on a date already.
  2. Single friend posts overly defensive message along lines of ?Treating myself to a Valentine?s alone date?, hashtagged with #singleblessedness #bliss #whoneedsvalentinesanyway #singleandlovingit?, probably typed while crying in a corner.
  3. Panicking man spotted in a nearby store on a Sunday afternoon, randomly grabbing chocolates, condoms, teddy bears holding lovehearts, pink cupcakes and red roses in silly plastic tubes.
  4. Hilarious pickup lines along the lines of ?Roses are red, violets are blue??. Please stop, these stopped being hilarious. Heart emojis have stopped being cute in the modern ages.
  5. Someone courageously throws an ?anti-Valentine?s? party, where conversation becomes steadily more awkward and bitter as alcohol is consumed.
  6. Recently dumped woman suddenly bursts into tears and flees to toilet, pursued by friend who doesn?t really give a crap. Being alone with a friend is better than being completely alone right?
  7. Someone randomly rants in facebook that he doesn?t care about Valentines day, but repeatedly talks about how his ex almost all the time. Conversation topics always go along the lines of ?she doesn?t deserve me?, ?she?s a bitch and she?ll get her karma? and ?I am 101% better than that guy?. Bro, move on already, it?s been 10 months and you couldn?t stop talking about her. Meanwhile, the ex is dating another guy and has completely forgotten about that.
  8. Miserable couple in a fancy restaurant manage to have an entire three-course candlelit dinner without talking to each other. What a complete waste of time and money! Talk about your issues first before giving negative vibes all over the place.
  9. Flower delivery guy spotted dashing to doorsteps in mounting panic, knowing that for one day only, the survival of other men?s relationships/sanity/testicles/fate lies in his hands.
  10. You wake up on a Monday morning with a horrible hangover after consuming too much sparkling wine, nauseating pink food and very sweet chocolate. At least your symptoms are eased by the relief that it?s all over for another year. Oh wait! You still have work! Goodluck!

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