Editor's Pick

20 Things that are Surely to Happen on Valentine’s Day (Part 2)

By on
  1. Someone posting about how they ?don?t believe in Valentine?s Day, it?s a consumerist sham invented by Hallmark, and the likes?, then gets overjoyed when a card arrives for them. Just accept that some people deserve to be happy okay?
  2. You get to see someone else?s nauseatingly overboard relationship and feel a sudden urge to murder someone (more applicable to single people). You will also be witness to public displays of affection between horny teenagers/drunk couples. ?The pains of being single on Valentine?s day. People showing so much hatred for the world on February 14.
  3. Fast food joint does a horrifying themed menu, featuring heart-shaped pizzas, ?sharing buckets? of chicken or cheeseburgers for two. Oh my God, these heart-shaped pizzas taste like pizza.
  4. You see newspapers and magazines full of tenuous stories about heart-shaped clouds, creepy romantic gestures and animals that look like they?re kissing. What if we want to see real news?
  5. Every spam email in your inbox has a shady Valentine link in the subject line, from supermarket ?romantic dinner-for-two deals? to ?perfect gift items? and ?give your father some ?Valentine?s love and give him a double-barreled shotgun?
  6. You wonder what sort of cheesy people watch romantic flicks with censored sex scenes. Most awkward date ever? Couples too scared to watch real porn? Pervy old thigh-rubbers heavily breathing on the back seat?
  7. Cutesy young man carrying flowers gets ?Aww? looks from passing old ladies. Shy young man carrying heart-shaped helium balloons gets ?You need balls? looks from passing older men.

Continue to Next Page

About the author

To Top